may dahilan lahat

hindi ko alam kung bakit ganun na lang ako ka-attach sa mga bagay na matagal ng nasa akin. ewan ko ba... biruin mo yun, nandun yung medyo sasama ang loob mo o malulungkot ka kapag isipin mo lang na mawala o di kaya talagang mawawala na yung mga bagay na yun. nariyan kasi yung napamahal na sila sa iyo, mapa-importanteng bagay man o hindi naman gaano para sa iyo o sa ibang tao. meron yung napakasimpleng-bagay na madaling palitan kasi kailangan ng palitan dahil kupas na o napagiwanan na ng panahon.

29 December 2008, naglilinis kami ng bagay. sa totoo lang, ayaw na ayaw kong maglinis ng bahay. tamad ako pagdating sa mga bagay na ganyan. (sino ba namang hindi?) siguro merong mga taong gustung-gustong maglinis ng bahay. tulad ng nanay ko, pagdating diyan may pagka-obssessive-compulsive siya sa kalinisan. konting disarrangement lang, magagalit na; parang nakagawa kami ng mortal na kasalanan kung magalit.

ako ang nakatoka sa kwarto naming magkapatid. sa baba yung kapatid ko, yung nanay ko naman sa kabilang kwarto. sa totoo lang tuwing maglilinis ako ng kwarto lalo na kapag yung mga libro na ang aayusin, medyo gaganahan na 'ko niyan, kasi habang naglilinis nandiyan yung sisilip ka sa mga libro na nililinis mo, na madalas may mga nakasingit na papel at kung anu-ano pa na hindi naman dapat nandun. ako naman, at hindi ko alam kung bakit, matiyaga kong binubuklat yung mga nakasingit na 'yon; babasahin kung dapat ba o hindi na dapat pang itago. "huwag kang magtatapon ng libro, para ka na ring nagtapon ng 'knowledge' niyan." ito ang sabi sa 'kin ng nanay ko habang naglilinis. kahit pa man daw luma na ang kaalamang nakapaloob doon, kaalaman pa rin iyon na mapapakinabangan (naisip ko ng sinabi niya 'to, pati na iyong mga impormasyong nakasulat sa mga pira-pirasong papel o ika nga sa mga 'scratch' papers, knowledge din 'yon). bago pa 'yon napagdesisyunan ko pa namang itapon na yung sa tingin kong hindi papakinabanagan. idinagdag pa niya, malas daw ang nagtatapon ng libro. tinanong ko kung bakit, basta ang sagot niya eh yung quote na nasa taas. sumunod na lang ako, kasi may point siya tungkol dun sa quote na iyon, pero di ko alam kung bakit malas magtapon ng libro.

pagkatapos ng libro, yung isa namang lalagyan na puro papel, handouts tungkol sa mga pinag-aralan sa school. knowledge na naman, sinort out ko rin siya at itinapon yung di naman dapat nandun. hay, nakakapagod na gawain talaga ang maglinis. huli kong nilinis yung computer namin. mukha ngang napabayaan eh, kasi napakadumi. buti na lang black yung kulay niya. nang matapos siyempre ang saya kasi wala ng dumi sa paligid mo kaso, wla ngang dumi sa paligid may naiwan naman sa katawan mo. ang labas tuloy nanggigitatang pakiramdam.

matapos makapaglinis ng katawan, may isa pa pala kaming dapat linisin: yung kama. kailangan ng palitan ang sapin at punda ng mga unan. ang nakakalungkot para sa akin na sa tingin ko eh napakababaw sa inyo ay yung mga unan. bumili kasi kami ng unan sa Megamall, kita namin sale, hindi lang yung unan, yung buong SM mismo. year-ender sale nila. eh bakit ako malungkot sa bagong unan? Ibig sabihin kasi nun itatapon na 'yung mga luma. mga lumang unan na nakapiling ko na nung bata pa ako, elementary pa 'ko. kahit na marumi na at halos wala ng palaman, masarap pa ring higaan kasi nakasanayan na at napamahal na sa iyo. sa sarili ko, nalungkot ako kasi mawawala na sila: yung mga unan. nakailang-alaala na ring matunghayan ang mga 'yon, nakailang-laway na rin ang tumulo doon, naka-ilang higa na rin ako doon. hindi ko man maipakita ng direkta kundi sa mga pabiro lang, nkakalungkot talaga. siguro medyo nakakatawa ngang isipin na unan lang ang mga 'yon, hindi naman tao, bakit kailangan pang-hinayangan.

habang nagpapalit ako ng punda, sapin, at ng unan napatitig ako ng matagal sa kanila. ewan ko kung ano'ng iniisip ko nun. basta parang ayaw kong itapon at itago na lang, basta nandun lang sila sa bahay. wala akong magagawa kasi dapat nang palitan kasi luma na at marumi pa. habang isinasantabi ko sila, sa loob-loob ko, parang may gustong magpaalam. sa loob ko nanggagaling. napagtanto ko na hindi lang ang sarili ko ang nagpapaalam, pati na rin yung mga alaala iniwan ng mga unan na 'yun. siyempre ang mga alaala na yun ay maiiwan sa loob ko, kasi alam ko na naging bahagi na 'yon ng sarili ko.

marami na rin akong naranasan na ganito. siyempre hindi nawawala sa akin ang lungkot. ewan ko ba... kahit sa mga simpleng bagay, ganito ako kung mag-react. marahil na rin sa pagpapahalaga ko sa mga bagay na naging bahagi ko na. para sa akin, may nai-contribute sila at may dahilan. parang sa tao na rin siguro o sa panahon at pagkakataon, may mga dahilan lahat. nasa sa iyo kung papansinin mo o babalewalain sila, kung papapasukin mo o itataboy mo sila.

sa pagtatapos ng taong 2008, sana, malungkot man o masaya, libro man o unan, lahat ng mga naranasan natin at mga alaala ng nagdaang taon ay pahalagahan natin dahil kahit papaano ang mga ito ang naghubog sa ating pagkatao at sa kung ano man tayo ngayon...

manigong bagong taon sa lahat!

of sex, contraceptives, and discipline

sex, unfortunately, is massively done to fulfill one's pleasure, not minding about it's deeper meaning which is not only does it serves as for procreation purposes, but also as an extension and an expression of a married couple's love. in other words, sex is done within matrimonial bondage and not outside of it.

ang simple explanation kaya gumagamit ng contraceptives is for the purpose of not being pregnant, right? ang sa akin kasi, ang pagkakaintindi ko sa contraception, when you use it, besides avoiding being pregnant, nandun ung pag-iisip na "im engaging myself in lovemaking for pleasure"...for carnal pleasure, to satisfy one's lust as if two lovers are treating themselves like "objects of pleasure", and not really for love.. (this would pertain to those who are not married yet).

on the part of married couples, ganun din, it's like they treat themselves as "objects of pleasure" (although of course, i really don't know what's their purpose of having sex with the use of contraception), maybe to avoid first responsibility of having children and to satisfy their carnal needs.....

hindi ba mas mabuting nang mag-abstain on the part of married couples kung ayaw pa muna nilang i-"fulfil" or i-"accept" God's gift of having children, kasi through this, couples would promote respect for each others' sexuality..

lastly, anti-contraceptive people like me is not really against contraceptives because of the threat of abortion it promotes... no.. abortion is out of the question, as of now, as far as the RHB is concerned.

the point is that promotion of contraception per se, i believe, would lead to dependence on these artificial ways of abstaining, rather than the natural way, which is discipline. hindi ba kung sakaling isuko mo ang pagpigil mo with the use of contraception, parang ibinaba mo ang level ng "disiplina" ng Disiplina, at iniangat mo ang level ng "disiplina" na maibibigay ng contraceptives... the value of discipline then is at stake, at risk...

discipline is within ourselves. it's not entirely from other means other than ourselves (although they may help, but not to the extent that they became a substitute of our "self-discipline"). oo nga't mahirap gawin ang disiplinang maibibigay ng ating sarili, but, hey! i give you the good news... it is DOABLE... DIFFICULT BUT DOABLE... just like when a person wants to be entirely good, who wants to do good: mahirap di ba, especially if you are surrounded by temptations of committing sins... pero DOABLE..

DISCIPLINE and FOCUS and the thought that by doing this, you are doing good. doing good just by your own self, because you know you can do it... God gave you the capacity of doing it, so why don't you use it.... mahirap? yes... magagawa? OO...

Musical survey

FIRSTS AND LASTS
EXPERIENCE THAT INTRODUCED YOU TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF THEATER: When I was second year high school. We had this musical play, The Phantom of the Opera (which became my favourite musical of all time)

FIRST PART EVER PLAYED (IF ANY): Fagin (Oliver)

LAST PART EVER PLAYED (IF ANY): Cameo role (local production of Prince of Egypt)

FIRST MAJOR PLAY/MUSICAL/PERFORMANCE YOU WATCHED LIVE ONSTAGE: Unfortunately.. none.. huhu... not even Miss Saigon in Manila last year 2000

LAST MAJOR PLAY/MUSICAL/PERFORMANCE YOU WATCHED LIVE ONSTAGE: None

FIRST ADAPTATION OF MUSICAL TO FILM OR VICE-VERSA THAT YOU SAW: The Sound of Music

LAST ADAPTATION OF MUSICAL TO FILM OR VICE-VERSA THAT YOU SAW: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

BESTS AND WORSTS OF THEATRICAL TIMES
BEST PART EVER PLAYED (IF ANY): I don't know

WORST PART EVER PLAYED (IF ANY): high school in Noli me Tangere..
BEST MAJOR PRODUCTION YOU TOOK PART IN: None..huhu..

WORST MAJOR PRODUCTION YOU TOOK PART IN: None

BEST PLAY/MUSICAL/PERFORMANCE YOU'VE SEEN LIVE SO FAR: None... huhuh..

WORST PLAY/MUSICAL/PERFORMANCE YOU'VE SEEN LIVE SO FAR: None

BEST ADAPTATION OF MUSICAL TO FILM OR VICE-VERSA: Phantom of the Opera... but I don't like Gerard Butler and his voice...ugghh...

WORST ADAPTATION OF MUSICAL TO FILM OR VICE-VERSA: Dream Girls

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY: West Side Story...

WORST CHOREOGRAPHY: I don't know

PLAYING THEATER FAVORITES, ETCETERA
FAVORITE SHOW(S): The Phantom of the Opera, Jesus Christ-Superstar, Cats, and other ALW shows, Tanz der Vampire, Les Mis, The Producers, Rent

SHOW(S) YOU WOULD HAVE NOT MISSED IF YOU COULD'VE HELPED IT: The Phantom of the Opera

SHOW(S) YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE LIVE: The Phantom of the Opera and other ALW shows

FAVORITE SONG(S) (IF MUSICAL): The Music of the Night, All I Ask of You and other POTO songs, ALW's songs, Some from Les Mis, Rent, The Producers, Tanz der Vampire

FAVORITE ALBUM(S): POTO (1986 OLC)

FAVORITE LINE(S): "You alone can make my song take flight.. It's over now the music of the night" - Michael Crawford (POTO_

- "I gave you my music, made your song take wing. And now, how you've repaid me, denied me and betrayed me..."

In short, the whole libretto of POTO

FAVORITE CHARACTER(S): The Phantom, Count Von Krolock, Leo Bloom

FAVORITE PLAYWRIGHT(S)/COMPOSER(S)/LYRICIST(S): The Right Honourable Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, Charles Hart, Tim Rice, (director) Hal Prince

FAVORITE PRODUCER(S): Cameron Mackintosh - he produced many successful shows...

FAVORITE PERFORMER(S): Michael Crawford, Elaine Page, Glenn Close
FUNNIEST PRODUCTION SEEN: only in film (The Producers)

SADDEST PRODUCTION SEEN: only in film (POTO)

films I wish to see...

i've been fascinated by films during the 20th century especially those in the '60s, '70s, '80s, and some from the '90s. i have here a list of foreign films i wish to see because of their storyline, actors, and theme.

here it is:

1 The Elephant Man (1980) - starring Anthony Hopkins and John Hurt
2 Sunset Boulevard (1950) - starring Gloria Swanson
3 Shadowlands (1993) - Starring Anthony Hopkins
4 The Remains of the Day (1992) - starring Anthony Hopkins, Emma Thompson
5 Amistad (1997)
6 84, Charing Cross Road (1987) - starring Anthony Hopkins, Anne Bancroft
7 Lawrence of Arabia (1962) - starring Peter O'Toole
8 When Harry Met Sally (1989) - starring Billy Crystal
9 Dracula (1931) - starring Bela Lugosi
10 Love Story (1970) - starring Ryan O'Neal and Ali McGraw

MUSICALS:

11 My Fair Lady (1964) - starring Julie Andrews
12 Guys and Dolls (1955)
13 Show Boat (1936)

there are more....

Because we are too many

[This is a short story based on Thomas Hardy's "Jude the Obscure". This is actually a retelling of one of the scenes in the novel]

In the diminishing daylight Jude and his wife with their three children went along the roadway to the city looking for a temporary dwelling. The mother cradled her youngest child in her arms, her two sons at her side.
It was Sunday. The busy atmosphere was gone, the citizens have gone home. The sun, now being conquered by night, gave one last curious alert-like look before submitting itself to the abrupt spreading of darkness.
Amid the lengthy hours of descending the steep slopes they reached the city, until suddenly, the sky sent down heavy drops of rain, and the oozing hot air of sunny day transformed into cool and freezing wind.
Soaked to skin, they moved about aimlessly momentarily stopping at every house begging the doorkeeper tp let them stay for the week.
But no luck welcomed them.
Sick and tired of walking all day, they settled down for a moment in an old pub but the tender drove them out.
Jude tried their luck once more. He stayed calm but his anxiety was apparent on his damp pale face.
The rain got angrier than before accompanied by a violent wind. Jude, the eldest of the three children, five years of age, yanked the sleeve of his mother and asked, 'Why did they not let us in?'
A prolonged look pity was all the mother could afford as she held her son with her left arm into a tight but careful embrace.
As they kept on going, it seemed that fate has not forever shunned them. They had found a place at last. An old woman admitted and guided them to a not so elegant but well-kept small lodging.
'There are two beds: one here', she said, pointing at an old-fashioned bed, 'and the other behind that door. The kitchen's behind that drapery'. She motioned to leave but halted suddenly and asked, 'How long will you stay?'
'About a week, madam', Jude replied.
'Very well'. She left.
The storm outside did not give a hint as to when will it stop. The splashing sound can be heard as the violent wind swept along the deserted streets of the city. The evening grew darker; it was not safe to stride along the wet roads of that cold stormy night. Simultaneously with the storm, the five month old baby girl suddenly cried letting out a disturbing sound. Jude the younger watched his mother as she enfolded his sister in bed.
Maybe she's freezing, he thought, fixing his gaze to his crying sister.
'Aren't you going to bed, Jude?' his mother asked.
He motioned to the door without answering, but soon replied:
'Good night'.
He closed the door behind him and slipped into bed where his younger brother lay already asleep. He could still hear his sister's cries in harmony with the angry storm. How long will it last, he did not know. He tried to sleep but he can't--his mind was bothered by something.
Half an hour past, Jude was still wide awake, his sister still crying and thinking of that thing that bothered him. Suddenly, he heard a voice outside. Curious, he stood up and opened the door and saw his father talking to the old woman.
'What do you mean we can't stay?' his father asked irritatingly.
'I'm sorry, sir, but my husband can't stand the noise and he doesn't want--'
'We will pay you another if you want', the mother interrupted.
'I'm sorry, but--'
'We have no place to go. Give us ...uhh... three days', the father pleaded.
Pity comes to the woman's senses as she stared and saw Jude the elder's pleading eyes. 'All right, then'.
She motioned off.
Jude the younger saw his father's face clothed with a mixture of exhaustion and disappointment. He was suddenly startled by his mother's voice:
'You're still awake, Jude?'
'I can't sleep'.
'It's getting late, my dear, you must be in bed.'
Jude did not stir and for a moment he remained in pace then asked, 'Did she wants us out?'
His mother stared at him knowing not what to say; she can't afford lying to her son, thus, she nodded.
'Why did she wants us out?' he asked again worriedly.
'Because we are too many', his father interrupted minding not the meaning of what he said.
Jude said nothing in return and moved off to go to bed.
As he remained motionless in bed, the voice of his father lingered in his mind: Because we are too many...
A sudden thought flickered on his young innocent mind:
Now I know why people drive us out.
With that thought he shut his eyes and dozed to sleep.

******
The next day, Jude the younger woke up early. The storm was gone, leaving a cool atmosphere all over the place. The sun was already up; its rays were visible and was generously admitted by the opened window.
The bed outside the room was empty except for his sister who laid sleeping soundly. Apparently, Jude's mother and father were out. Maybe they had gone to look for breakfast, he thought.
And then he recalled what he had just thought last night. He looked around him and approached the main door; he opened it and glanced outside sensing if there's someone lurking around. He finally closed and locked it.
He motioned inside and picked up a piece of paper from their luggage and wrote something on it. He posted it outside the door of their room. He approached his sister and carried her, and soon entered the room.
Now they will never drive us out...
The harrowing cries of his little sister was temporary until for all that moment silence reigned the place...

********
'Thank you, sir.'
'Be sure to be here tomorrow at morn', the master mason said as Jude the elder shook his hand. He shot a pleasant smile to his wife who stood beside the masonry gate. He approached her happily and said, 'I got in.'
Hearing the good news, she hugged him tight and the two of them can't wait to tell it to their children.
Strolling about the city, the happy couple's mood was visible upon that bright sunny morning. The night's storm left no trace of having been there at all as the citizen of the city busied themselves of today's work except for the damp smell of the road , which was now gradually evaporating with the help of the heat of the sun. They got used to the changing weather, obviously seen on the way they handled the day and on the way they continued living despite life's changing course of progress. Nothing could be done to stop them from struggling to survive--the same as for Jude and his wife.
Arriving home, the two were surprised to see the house so quiet. The mother was also surprised to not see the baby on their bed.
'Jude?' she called out. No one answered.
'Maybe they're still asleep', the father said.
They moved towards the room and found a piece of note posted at the door. It bore five words; some misspelled, written in a rather clumsy and childish way:

BeCoz we aRE
to Many

Wondering, Jude opened the door. he could not believe what he saw; his wife behind screamed in horror.
There on top was their son's body suspended from a beam; a piece of rope tied around his neck. At the bed lay two motionless bodies: the younger son and the baby--all three were cold and dead.
Jude took down his son's body from being hanged and carried it outside the room laying it on their bed. He carried the others and lay them beside and soon tried to revive all of them from death. His wife could only cry in agony.
Realising there's nothing can be done, he strolled inside the room as if searching for someone and suddenly whimpered in pain. His wife's agony lingered in his ears. He stood and snatched the piece of note from the door and hurried outside.
Bitter tears flowed freely now one Jude's eyelids as he stared with painful heart at his three dead children. He could not restrain his tears and went down on his knees sobbing aloud, clutching the piece of paper in his hand bearing those five words.
Five words he can never forget... he will never forget...

give them a break and they'll be known

i was instantly amused by these two funny guys doing funny acts in YouTube. lol. they really are funny and amusing!...

i call them "lipsyncers".they had their own lip-sync version of several famous songs like Wannabe, Bohemian Rhapsody, my favourites In the Jungle from Lion King and Volare, and others. i heard theirs is not the original. two Chinese did the same thing. but original or not, they introduced something new to YouTube viewers, especially Filipinos, which is probably more amusing than the Chinese.

they call themselves "Moymoypalaboy" and "Roadfill" (the one who wears different kinds of hair (wigs), i don't know, maybe his true hair).

i wish at least they'll be featured on some TV program. if ever there is "Filipinos got Talent", they have a chance to win.

i recommend you watch some their videos in YouTube. give them a break and they'll be known...

i'll customize later

for now, i'll leave my blog not customized... maybe later... ta..

just got lucky?

recently, i am doing good at our literary criticism class: two perfect scores in two exams, others are almost perfect but satisfying. did i just got lucky or what?

i don't know if this particular blog is a good starter. i heard so many things about Blogger but have no thought of starting one till this day. anyway, back to the topic, i think i really did what i believe is best when i took the exams. good thing those exams were in essay forms because i hate objective type of tests. you know, the memorisation thing, identification and all,. for me they suck... ughhh...

i'm having my summer class, by the way, and this particular subject is one of my favourite subjects. reading is one of my passions, not to mention musical theatre particularly ALW's The Phantom of the Opera.

by the way, i raised that question because i was doubting my performance then. sometimes i don't review before exams.

well, i guess i wasn't lucky at all. it is my interest to the subject that made me perform well in class.